It's a Wrap!

Before I begin (wait... I _am_ beginning), let me just say that what happened on Valentine's Day did not give me a big head. I do _not_ have a big head. Okay, maybe physically. I see pictures of myself next to people, and am amazed at the size of my head compared with theirs.

But that's another story.

The point is this...

The shoot couldn't have gone better. In my wildest dreams about how my first shoot would go, I didn't dream it would go the way it did. It was a bigger shoot than anticipated (38 crew members, a wardrobe/production trailer, a make-up/talent trailer, two semi-trucks for the gear, and best of all... free food all day!), and my experience/performance on the set far exceeded my expectations (how often does _that_ happen?).

Grab a cup of coffee, folks... maybe a whole pot. This is a long story, but I have to let it out...

The whole day was surreal (or is that "so real"?). Hanging out in the trailers? Going through wardrobe and make-up? Being shuffled from place to place by the 2nd AD (_and_ learning what a 2nd AD does)?

On the one hand, it was unreal. On the other hand, I felt right at home.

And luckily, that "right at home" feeling also happened when I was called to the set.

Although, when I first walked onto the set, it was a bit overwhelming.

In the past couple of weeks, every door that opened (literally and figuratively) revealed something bigger than I’d imagined. Walking through this door revealed a roomful of people and equipment like those you usually only see in one of those “behind the scenes” special features on a movie DVD. This was a commercial shoot, but it had all the look and feel of a movie set. The picture in my head from the night before (when I was doing some positive visualization of being on the set) was now replaced by an even more impressive picture… including a stand-in sitting where I was about to be sitting.

Yeah, I had a stand-in.

Hah!

What a riot.

They sat me down on the couch, and continued dressing the set around me. There I was, all alone at the focal point of this big production, doing my best to be as relaxed as was humanly possible… with prop people swapping the red pillow for the white pillow, filling my bowl with pretzels, then switching out the pretzels for Doritos… one of the make-up ladies touching me up… the wardrobe lady tweaking my outfit… some guy by the camera extending a tape measure to the tip of my nose… and the director squatted down at my feet, giving me direction (“we’re going to want to go slow here, fast there, emphasize this, de-emphasize that, etc., etc., etc.,)…

And all of this was happening at the same time.

Somehow, I managed to stay focused, and give them what they were looking for. In fact, they even had time for some “gravy” (which I first thought was a cue for going to lunch, but soon discovered meant that we had what we were looking for, and now had some extra time to improvise a bit).

After I finished shooting my primary script, the director complimented me on being "very well rehearsed", the executive producer was all smiles, and people around the location were calling me "Superstar".

They must be joking, right?

I mean, "Superstar" must be some kind of Hollywood insider slang for "rookie over the top". It couldn't possibly mean I was actually _that_ good.

My guard was up. I didn't want to get my head inflated to the point where I wouldn't be ready to shoot the back-up script if called upon.

But I took the compliments... saying a simple, "Thank you"... and continued to conserve energy while soaking-in the day, and waiting to see if they'd need me again.

And they did.

The bad news is that the reason I was called upon again was because the job wasn't getting done by one of the other actors... or "talent", as they kept calling us.

That's another word I'm not accustomed to hearing in reference to me. When one of the production staff said something like, "The talent needs water"... I almost looked over my shoulder to see where the "talent" was. "Did somebody just walk onto the set?” I thought. Then, realizing they were talking about me, I had to fight back a grin. "Act like you've been there before", a little voice in my head told me. They knew I was a rookie (since I don't pad my resume), but there was no need to remind them of that by tittering like a little girl every time they called me "talent".

So, back to the mixed emotions of getting another moment in the sun...

For most of the day, I'd been hanging out with this other actor in the trailer. There's lots of downtime during a shoot (anybody who's seen those "behind the scenes" things knows that), so we talked a lot. And there were other actors and production staff coming in and out of the trailer throughout the day, too. But as each spot was completed to their satisfaction, one by one the actors were getting "wrapped" (i.e., "you can go home now"), and eventually I was sitting alone in the trailer. Occasionally, somebody would wander in and out, but for the most part, I was alone... doing my best to stay relaxed, and periodically glancing at the rewritten script that the other actor had left behind...

Just in case I was needed.

At some point, the 2nd AD told me to head over to wardrobe...

Just in case I was needed.

He wasn't sure yet, but somebody was speaking into his headset, telling him to get me prepared...

Just in case I was needed.

The responsibility of this back-up position started to grow in my mind, and I started to run the new lines in my head more often. If I was needed, that meant they'd just burned a lot of money, so I had to make extra sure I was ready.

This wasn't what I wished for. I was prepared for it, just in case... but that other actor and I had bonded throughout the day, so it was sad to hear that he was having trouble on the set. I'd been helping him prepare in the trailer while we waited for our turns, and knew he was really nervous, but was hoping the director would be able to get him to that relaxed and conversational tone they were looking for.

Then the word came that it was time for me to go back to the set.

As I started walking away from the trailer, I saw the other actor being brought back from the set, with a stunned look on his face. One of the make-up ladies was walking out in front of him, crying. Other crewmembers were heading towards her, asking what happened. The other make-up lady grabbed me by the arm, like she was escorting me to a dance. She flashed a huge smile and said, "Come on, gorgeous!”

Yeah, I know... I'm not really "gorgeous". It's like when a waitress calls you "sweetheart". You know it's not really true, but it feels good anyway, right?

So, arm-in-arm, we headed back to the set.

Did I mention that this was a set built in somebody's house? They may have actually rented the entire cul-de-sac for the shoot, because the part of the neighborhood that was blocked-off was dead. And we'd eaten lunch in the driveway of the house across the street, so I know they'd at least paid for two houses to be empty for the shoot.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because as we were walking back to the set, some neighborhood kids had gathered near the front of the house (as close as the police and security guard would let them). It felt kinda cool walking past those kids while I was dressed in wardrobe and make-up, arm-in-arm with a cute make-up lady... feeling like a (dare I say it)... “Superstar”.

Mixed emotions... sad for the other actor, feeling like a “Superstar”, fish-out-of-water, excited, relaxed, comfortable, confident...

Is this really happening?

We headed past the producers (who were sitting in the garage, watching the shoot in their remote monitors), and back into the house/set. The energy was definitely different than during the first shoot. People were swarming around me, asking if I needed anything, and really going out of their way to make me feel comfortable. Not that they'd done anything to make me uncomfortable during the first shoot. It's just that this time around, they were in "pamper" mode.

After all, I'm a "Superstar", right?

Yeah, right.

Little did I know that earlier in the day, when they were calling me "Superstar", they actually were giving me a compliment. I finally allowed myself to believe that it actually was meant as praise, and not some sarcastic remark. Okay, not like I'm actually a "Superstar", but like I'd actually done a professional job, and looked good enough on camera to where they had dressed me up again to do another spot.

Speaking of "looking good on camera", that was another question in my head before getting this first shoot. Believing in yourself is one thing, and performing on stage is one thing, but being photogenic is another thing altogether. What if after all these years of dreaming about being on TV and in the movies, I just didn't come across well on film? That would suck, wouldn't it?

As it turns out, apparently I'm photogenic enough to keep plugging away at this.

That became obvious partway through the shooting the 2nd spot. One of the production crew was looking down on the set from up on a stairwell, and told me, "You're doing great". "Thank you", I casually responded. "No, you don't get it", he went on, "you're saving our asses". Again, doing my best to stay calm, I thanked him, and remembered how often it happens in life that somebody will heap praise on someone, only to have that person trip over their own feet moments later.

Focus... inhale... focus... exhale... focus... look... focus... listen...

We continued with the shoot, and by the end of it, that same guy up on the stairwell said to me, "Man, you're our All-Star Pinch-Hitter. Let's hear it for Joe."

And the entire set broke into applause.

Who in their right mind would _ever_ imagine a roomful of crewmembers busting into applause during their first commercial shoot... or _any_ shoot, for that matter?

I acknowledged the applause, shook the director's hand, and started wandering towards the make-up and wardrobe ladies, who were sitting on the perimeter of the set. They told me what a good job I'd done, and I told them, "It's a bittersweet feeling. I’m glad I did a good job, but I feel bad for [the other actor]."

At this point, I'm not sure exactly what they said, or what I said... but there was some head-nodding, a little moment of silence, and then time to find the exit. After a slight detour into a bathroom, I decided to follow the director. "You look like you know where you're going", I told him. "Sometimes I do", he replied.

I just hope this wasn't all a dream. Am I going to wake up soon, disappointed that none of this really happened? It still feels like that, even a few days later. The pictures run through my head, the realization hits me that something I've been imagining since I was a kid has actually happened, and I'm still in a state of disbelief.

This may be no big deal to all of the jaded people who've been slugging away at this for years in Hollywood, disappointed that they're not household names by now. But for me, it was a rare occasion in life where a dream came true. And it was an even more rare occasion in that the reality was even better than the dream.

This changes everything.

In one day, my pursuit of a career in Hollywood went from pipe dream to reality. If I can do it once, I can do it again. Up until this shoot, it was all speculation on my part that I could do it at all. Now, a series of small events over the last couple of weeks (from audition to booking to shooting) have given me validation. No more guesswork. I can actually hang with the big dogs.

Again... no big head. Physically, yes. Mentally, no. Confidence, yes. Huge ego, forget about it. This is actually settling me down, giving me inner strength, and reminding me how much to quiet the ego, become even more disciplined, and let the God-given talents take over.

And I'm barely out of the starting gate.