NO MORE OPEN CALLS – NO, REALLY – I MEAN IT THIS TIME

I should have stuck with my "NO OPEN CALL" rule.

Why did I decide to break my own rule? Because it was my agent that told me about it. Even though it was an open call, people were being told about it by their agents, so I figured it would be different from the normal open call.

It wasn't.

At today's audition, it took over 2 hours to be seen (actually, that's short by open call standards)... and when I was seen, they didn't want to see me for the role I'd prepared for. That's part of the biz, right? But I think it's mainly part of the biz when you go to open calls.

It may sometimes be part of the biz when you're called in based on your headshot -- but not as often. Not if you look like your headshot -- which I do. If they've seen your headshot, glanced at your resume, and decide to call you in for an audition -- chances are, they'll read you for the part you've prepared for. When you're called in for an audition, somebody has picked you from the bunch based on your look. You've at least jumped one hurdle to get into the room.

They want you -- specifically you -- to be there, for a reason.

But for this audition, even though my agent told me about it, the folks making the film didn't see my headshot ahead of time. Had they seen it, they probably would not have called me in. At least, not for the role I spent all that time preparing for.

It's not just a "me" thing. They didn't see any of our headshots ahead of time. So many (maybe most?) of us would not have been called in for auditions had the production company filtered through our headshots ahead of time -- or had our agents only been asked to send a small sampling of actors specifically selected for the various roles.

Don't get me wrong. For some people, open calls are fine. And there was a time when I had no problem with them, either. They're part of paying your dues.

So, I'm not making a judgement call on open calls in general.

This is a personal choice arrived at after years of paying my dues.. and re-paying them... in various areas of the entertainment industry. My last straw (or should I say, second to last straw?) was when I auditioned for "Last Comic Standing" (2006). While I don't regret doing it, I swore that was my last open call. And it was...

Until today.

So, today I'm reiterating my rule.

I spent time preparing for a role that they didn't see me for, and the role they did have me read for is a role that I wasn't interested in reading for when I checked the list of roles for my type. When I was deciding whether or not to go to today's open call, I specifically decided to read for one of the roles that was more interesting -- and would be worth my time. We're talking about an Ultra Low Budget project, so for me, it has to be a role of a certain size and/or interest to even think about getting involved.

Look -- I know I'm not in the big leagues. So, I'm not saying I'm above certain kinds of work. Oh, wait. Yes I am. I don't work for sandwiches... anymore. I don't work for free... anymore. And I'm not interested in working as an extra, or having one or two lines, on an Ultra Low Budget project.

What's the point of that?

To get experience?

Just to work?

I've worked in the entertainment industry for years in one capacity or another. I've got experience. I know how to work. And I'm a lot more selective about what I'm willing to leave the house to work on these days.

For one thing, I don't even need to leave the house to work these days.

Without leaving my apartment, I'm working 5 days a week a week making YouTube videos... all on my own... with maybe as much chance of getting seen as a minor role in a ULB film. And even if what I'm doing on my own doesn't amount to something, at least it's mine -- and I don't have to audition for it.

What really left the bad taste in my mouth after the whole process was complete is that they didn't even bother to put me on tape. The reason I know some people were getting put on tape is because we could hear them auditioning as we were waiting in line. They'd rehearse, then they'd get put on tape.

Now, I know that it may just have been that they were only putting certain roles on tape. I'm not "supposed to" second guess what they're doing. They might very well just be making notes for the tiny roles, and not putting them on tape, even when they like the actor.

But... well... the bottom line to all of this is that I'm going back to the personal rule I'd set for myself after auditioning for Last Comic Standing. No open calls. Period.

Even if my agent tells me about it. An open call is still an open call.

Getting cast on a project is hard enough, even when the Director/CastingDirector/Producer call you in because your headshot matches a look they're going for.

Walking in cold... sucks.

Plain and simple.

It reminded me of those comedy gigs where the audience doesn't know there's going to be a comedy show. Performing is hard enough when people want you to be there. It's miserable when they don't.

And I didn't exactly feel like I was wanted there today. I had the feeling that the small part they had me read for was simply going through the motions. I could be wrong, but that's how it felt.

In any event, whether I'm right or wrong about how they felt, I know how I feel... and it ain't good. Not heartbroken or anything. But seriously... it took almost 4 hours of my day for a local San Diego audition (counting getting dressed and drive time) -- and that's not counting the hours of preparation time over the past couple of days.

And it turned out to be for a role I'm not right for -- that I didn't even get to read for.

It feels like I just went to LA... for one of those freakin' comedy hell gigs at a sports bar -- which, coincidentally, is where the audition was held. In a sports bar.

Ah, the ironies of life.

I don't go out of my way anymore to do sports bar comedy gigs in LA or Orange County in front of people who are playing pool and/or watching one of the 37 flatscreen TV's -- but I end up back in a sports bar in San Diego auditioning for somebody who might as well have been playing pool or watching one of the flatscreens.

Will I ever learn?

Probably not.

I'll wait a while and forget how much this sucked.

WAIT... BZZZT! Timeout!!

That's setting myself up for defeat. I call a personal foul on myself!

Replay...

I am NOT going to do ANY more OPEN CALLS. PERIOD.

Fates Worse Than Obscurity: Rebecca Black

I may get banned from Hollywood for saying this, but here goes...

There are fates worse than obscurity.

Case in point: Rebecca Black.

If you don't know who or what I'm talking about... Google it.

In a nutshell, she's in a music video that's gone viral.

Actually, "viral" is an understatement. It's garnered so much attention on the Internet this past week that it's now also being covered by the mainstream media. We're not talking run-of-the-mill viral here. We're talking mega-viral. Every aspiring entertainer's dream, right?

Wrong.

Not for this aspiring entertainer, anyway.

Why am I not envious of Rebecca Black?

Much of the attention she's getting isn't good. Some are saying she's done the worst song/video ever. Rolling Stone called it an "unintentional parody of modern pop".

And it gets worse from there.

Numerous comments on YouTube and Twitter have gone way too far, saying things like "cut yourself" and "go die".

Obviously much more than she (and her mom) bargained for.

It reminds me of an old joke about wanting something "in the worst way", and then getting that thing...

In the worst way.

Of course, this is nothing new. A lot of people have achieved fame "in the worst way".

"Jersey Shore" anyone?

I'll refrain from making an exhaustive list. There's not enough time in the day for that.

Rebecca is just the latest in a long line of people who've achieved fame for something other than their talent. The sad thing is, Rebecca actually does appear to have some talent. I just heard her sing (without Auto-Tune) on "Good Morning America", and I think she has a decent voice. At the very least, her normal voice is a lot more pleasing than the Auto-Tuned version from the video.

But the sad truth is, her talent would never have ever gotten her the huge amount of attention she's getting from the silly song/video that's swept the Internet.

So, what happens now?

There's no way of knowing how all of this will pan out for her. She may actually go on to have a "normal" career in the entertainment industry (as if anything about showbiz can be deemed "normal"?). But for now, this week's latest example of "instant fame" is going into my files under the heading...

"Fates worse than obscurity."

Technology, Showbiz, and The American Dream

Back in 1989, I quit my day job to focus on pursuing a career as a stand-up comedian. I'd been doing comedy for a few years, and had become obsessed. I figured the only way to really give it a shot was to quit my day job. And it was a good job, too. A technology-based job. The kind of job where you need an education and a resume and...

The ability to sit in a cubicle for 8 hours a day.

While I did possess that ability, it wasn’t satisfying me. In fact, it was sucking the life out of me.

So I ventured out of my cubicle, and into the Bohemian lifestyle of stand-up comedy.

It was a risk, but it was something I had to do. I was 29 years old, and not getting any younger.

I really enjoy live performances. There's nothing like the immediacy of a live show. And I'd gotten to the point where I was able to hold the attention of an audience for 30 minutes, which led to my first full-fledged comedy booking for an entire week at a club in Phoenix.

They flew me out, put me up in a hotel room near the club... and gave me by biggest paycheck to date. I got to do 30 minutes in the middle of each show... a sweet spot. You don’t have to warm up the crowd, and don’t have the pressure of closing the show. I did six shows that week... three hours of stage time... in 4 days. People even asked for my autograph at the end of the night. It was awesome... except for one thing...

I don't like to travel.

Now, I don't mind it now and then, but it's not something I want to do all that often. Not only is there the inconvenience of airports, taxis, packing, unpacking, never sleeping in your own bed... but when you're doing stand-up, most of the day is free time. Don’t get me wrong. I like free time. But it drove me crazy being away from home with nothing to do. I suppose I could have played tourist, but I wasn’t exactly rolling in dough. The money I made on the road was going to come in real handy paying rent and bills. I supposed if I'd been more disciplined, I could have been writing all day... but that's not the way I liked spending my day. Comedy ideas have always been things that hit me while I'm living my life. Funny stuff happens, I jot down a note, and expand on it later. I can't just sit down 8 hours a day and write jokes. And being totally immersed in the airport, hotel, and comedy club, I began to see why so many comedians had so many jokes about those things. They had no other life to draw from.

I’d finally achieved one of my goals as a comic, and I didn’t like it. The stage time was awesome, but I wasn't in the mood to be away from home 42 weeks a year.

Unfortunately, that's the only way to make money as a comedian. You can get stage time in Hollywood, but you aren't going to make any money there. A free drink or a sandwich... maybe. A few bucks here and there... if you're really lucky. But to make a living as a comic, you have to hit the road.

So, after about 3 years of focusing on comedy, I was ready to go back to the land of the cubicle. More importantly... the land of the steady paycheck. It may have been a mind-numbing experience at times, but it was a hell of a lot easier to eat and pay the rent doing my technology-based job from the comfy confines of a cubicle. And when I wasn't in my cubicle, I could spend the rest of my time on my couch. Cubicle... couch... cubicle... couch...

I was back to living the American Dream...

Kind of.

Problem was, I kept feeling like something was missing.

In the 20 years since I quit the 100% Bohemian lifestyle of stand-up comedy, I've hit the stage a few times here and there. I get the urge, hit the stage, get it out of my system, and go back to my couch. I even started "pursuing" it again several years ago -- hitting stages in Hollywood and Orange County every week -- until it occurred to me that reality hadn't changed.

You can't make a living as a stand-up comic without going on the road.

Then there was a stretch of time in the late 1990's to early 2000's where I added some more mileage to my car doing the singer-songwriter thing at coffeehouses, and hauling DJ equipment around for some parties and festivals. Again, I liked the live performances, but got tired of getting up off my butt a couple times a week to drive around town for a little bit of stage time.

For the past 5 years, I've been pursuing a career as an actor. There were times in that first year of auditioning that I was going up to LA once or twice a week. Living in San Diego, working a day job, driving the kids to and from school, and going to LA once or twice a week, well... I’d count that as “paying my dues”... again.

I don’t drive to LA nearly as much as I did that first year.

The first year I was auditioning in LA, I drove up there for the chance of getting a role in something that would pay a hundred bucks. I even submitted myself for roles that would only "pay" you in food... plus the promise of "credit" and "copy".

Those last two are hilarious. You invest several hours of your time driving to and from an audition -- sometimes, if you're lucky, you get a "call-back"... meaning that you get to drive several more hours for another audition... for the same role -- and your "pay" on the back-end is "credit" and "copy"!

In case you don't know... "credit" means they'll put your name in the on-screen credits of the film/show, and "copy" means they'll give you a copy of the film/show... so you can add it to your "reel" (the equivalent of a video resume).

Once I added up all of the hours and gas money and vehicle wear-and-tear... I realized that even if I were lucky enough to be cast in a role (which, by the way, would mean more time invested, and more gas money, and more vehicle wear-and-tear), I would be losing time and money indefinitely... all with the promise of a carrot-dangling prize of someday making a lot more money than any human deserves to make.

But I digress... or do I? Isn't this the point? What is the point?

The point is, while I love performing, I've gotten tired of spending hundreds of hours, driving thousands of miles, and spending thousands of dollars... at the off chance that I might get to say 2 lines in a film or TV project. And on the _really_ off chance that I’ll be making obscene amounts of money someday.

I haven't totally given up on that, mind you. But I'm much more selective now. I'll only submit myself to stuff that's either very visible, or that's going to pay a decent amount of money if I get it. And in the years since I quit my day job in 1989, I've found a balance between my techie day job and my desire to do something on-the-side.

Mainly, I’m getting my performing fix on my own terms -- and feeling much better about myself in the process -- by doing daily YouTube videos. I'm personally rewarded by creating a new project every day. Technology is finally allowing me to get rewards greater than the level of energy I’m exerting.

It may not be paying me anything (yet), but it's also not putting any miles on my car. And since I'm not investing all of that extra time and money, it's kind of like making money... but not spending it.

Most importantly, I don't need anybody's permission to do it. I'm getting cast in every role I'm up for... every day. I'm "putting myself out there" more than I ever did by driving all around Southern California performing for a handful of people here and there over the past 20 years.

Thanks to technology, I've found my own place in the entertainment industry... without ever leaving my apartment.

Now _that_ is my idea of "The American Dream".

Justifying and Rationalizing

Why do we spend so much time justifying and rationalizing?

We can justify any decision we make. We can find other people who agree with our decision. We can find famous quotes to support our decision, no matter what we choose to do...

"Turn the other cheek!"

"An eye for an eye!"

For every adage, there's an equal and opposite adage.

Then why do we spend so much time justifying and rationalizing?

It seems like a huge waste of time, given the fact that most things we do are not "right" or "wrong". They just _are_.

Note that I said "most" things. There are exceptions, of course. Most people would agree that it's wrong to kill, or to steal. I'm not talking about those kinds of things.

I'm talking about questions like, "Should I be an engineer?” Yes? No? There's no morally right or wrong answer... unless you're morally opposed to engineering. And you can find people to give you advice and support for both the "yes" and "no" decision.

SO...

Why do we spend so much time justifying and rationalizing?

Excuse me while I go endlessly ponder the answer(s).