Performance Anxiety

I'm chanting the mantra from yesterday's reminder ("Have fun, have fun, have fun, have fun..."), but it doesn't make the anxiety go away. It's just something that goes with the territory. Part of a classic love-hate relationship. Man, I love performing... but I hate this feeling in my gut.

Action is usually the best cure. On the way up to Martini Blues, I'll be able to relieve some of this gnawing feeling by running my act over-and-over. And even the simple act of moving closer to the club should also bring things down to a more pleasant level.

Adrenaline is fine. Jitters are fine. Getting excited is fine.

But this constant buzz of anxiety can be a bit annoying.

Once again, it goes with the territory.

I've never had a good performance without feeling like this to some degree. In fact, it's hard for me to even remember the handful of times when I was totally relaxed before a show. All I know is that it didn't work out too well. Maybe on those occasions, I was fooling myself into thinking that I somehow "had it licked". As if anybody can every "conquer" this thing...

Whatever "this thing" is.

The bottom line (if there has to be one... and apparently there does) is that I'm looking forward to tonight. Ironically, that's where the anxiety comes from. My favorite definition of anxiety is that it's "the distance between where you are and where you want to be". Right now, I'm sitting at my desk in the daytime at work... and I want to be standing on stage in the nighttime at Martini Blues.

[deep breath]

It'll happen soon enough. I don't want to wish my life away. Not even a few hours of it. So, back to work...