Rattling Thoughts (After Falling Off The Mountaintop)

Yesterday, somebody deleted a comment I posted on Facebook. Fine. Everybody's got their sensitivities. And even though I thought my comment was an amusing, harmless little joke, the person who deleted it obviously disagreed. To make myself feel a little better, I proceeded to delete that person as a "friend".

Oh, if only things were so simple IRL (that's "in real life", in case you didn't know).

What's upsetting me more than the deleted comment is that fact that this garbage is still rattling around in my brain a day later.

I have better things to do with my thoughts.

I'm old enough to know you can't please everybody. No matter what you say, somebody's not going to like it.

Then why is this tiny event continuing to pop up in my head?

At this point, it may be the like the exercise of trying not to picture a purple elephant. The more you think "don't picture the purple elephant", the more you picture the purple elephant.

So, the more I'm trying to force myself to forget about it, the more I'm thinking about it.

Whatever the reason, I know this will drift out of my skull soon enough. What I'm hoping is that a little blog-rant on the topic will make it go away sooner.

This little social mis-interation is really no big deal in the whole scheme of things. Especially since I've been feeling so good about life lately. I've been "in the moment" a lot... not letting the past drive me, and not worrying about the future. The thought that we are all "pure consciousness" (planted in my head by another Facebook friend) has been making me walk lighter, and the fact that all humans on the planet are constantly participating in the creation of the world's events in "the eternal now" has been a prevalent thought and feeling.

How can I be floating along in a state of wonder and bliss, only to be thwarted by a deleted Facebook comment?

Maybe it's because I wasn't being confronted with anything. So even the simplest little annoyance, in contrast to joy and wonderment, has gotten blown out of proportion?

Whatever the reason, I'm feeling better now... as planned. Writing helps. I need to do this more often. Only when I do it more often, I want to have more important and positive things to write about.

That's the plan... next time... positive stuff.

[Therapy session complete.]

In The Long Haul and In The Moment

I'm in this for the long haul.

No, really. I mean it this time. Forget all of the times in my life that I stopped and started... and stopped... and started... and...

You get the picture.

What's different this time?

It's hard to explain. But I'll try...

This time, I've come to the realization that there's no point in stopping. I'm no longer in denial. This is what I really want to do...

Whatever "this" is.

I've stopped in the past because...

[Long Pause]

I'm not exactly sure.

[Another Long Pause]

Maybe it's because I was too ambitious? Things weren't happening "fast enough", I got frustrated, and stopped?

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Yet Another Long Pause]

Maybe it's because I wasn't tough enough? Things were happening "too fast", I got scared, and stopped?

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Heavy Sigh]

You know what? I really don't know why I've stopped and restarted so many times in the past. And right now, I'm got a feeling that I'm on the verge of yet another epiphany...

It just doesn't matter.

Yeah, that sounds good.

And right now, I also just realized that my latest epiphany was long ago immortalized by Bill Murray's character in the movie "Meatballs". He's obviously not the first person to utter those words. If I'm not mistaken, the first person to coin that phrase was some dude writing on a wall in a cave.

It just doesn't matter.

Now, I'm not saying nothing matters. Far from it. What I'm saying is that the past doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. The reason(s) I've stopped pursuing my dreams all of those times doesn't matter. All of that baggage and guilt and regret is useless.

It just doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters is this moment.

Yeah, that sounds good.

And in the immortal words of a wise man from thousands of years ago...

"No duh".

As trite as it sounds, it needs to be repeated...

The only thing that matters is this moment.

We humans keep making the same mistakes over and over again because we forget the simple stuff. And the simplest, truest concept of all is that we only have this moment. It's the only time we can ever do anything. Try as mightily as we want, and we can only do something _now_.

The past is gone. We let it rattle around in our heads all the time, but in reality, it's gone. Letting the past drive our lives is like letting the wake drive the boat. The boat creates the wake. Not the other way around.

The most important thing is to "be present". Stay "in the moment". Be conscious of the "eternal now".

Ironically enough, I think staying in the moment is also the best way to stay on course for the long haul. It makes life more enjoyable. There's less chance of getting overwhelmed and frustrated when the past and future aren't being piled on top of the present moment.

Yeah, that sounds good.